


That is Not it at All

by Thebeastisyou



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 13:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thebeastisyou/pseuds/Thebeastisyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam's asexual and tells Kurt. Comes after Sadie Hawkins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That is Not it at All

“And he kept going?” Kurt leans over their little table, too entranced to realize he’s close to knocking over his coffee. Adam nudges it away with a grin and continues his story.

“He said his parents were in the audience and he didn’t want to let them down, we had to replace the wig of course,”

“Of course,” He can’t believe he’s here, in a bright little coffee shop with an upper class man on his invitation. Who was interested in him and told funny stories and had acting experience. He gulps down more coffee, hoping to cover the smile that won’t seem to fade as Adam watches him.

“Tell me about your friends?” Adam asks “Besides Miss Rachel, I think I’ve heard enough about her,” So Kurt laughs easily and tells him about his old Glee club. Tells him about Finn who became his brother and Brittany who helped him hide when he needed to and only the good things about David. He assumed anything more wasn’t good first date conversation. And he talks about Blaine, of course, only a little, and again, only the good things.

By the time he’s done and they’ve laughed their way through too many stories, Kurt’s phone is buzzing texts from Rachel and he’s ready to chalk this date up as a success. He lets Adam tie his scarf as he checks his phone, clicking his tongue as he scrolls through Rachel’s texts. He looks up as Adam is pulling his beanie back on and catches his breath at the scraps of hair that blow in the wind. God, he’s cute. 

“Something wrong?” And so is that little dent between his eyebrows.

Kurt rolls his eyes and tucks his phone away. “No, I’m just not allowed back in the apartment while Rachel ‘apologizes’ to her boyfriend. And I’m not sure I want to know what that’s going to entail,”

“Come home with me,” He says it so easily, Kurt’s determined not to react, not to blush, not to back down, so he says 

“Okay,” And follows Adam the three blocks to his apartment. Adam points out places he’s been, shops that have changed ownership, where to really get the best pizza in the city, and Kurt’s sure he hasn’t absorbed any of it, focusing on the fuzz at the edge of his brain and the sounds of the cars going by. That’s one nice thing about the city noise, it helps you lose yourself when you need to.

But Adam’s building is quiet and it’s impossible to hide in here, so he’s devised a new tactic, he’s going to take the initiative. He’s in New York, he has an apartment, and he doesn’t get lost on the subway anymore. He can do this. Adam’s looking down and searching through his bag for keys when Kurt takes a breath and pushes himself those last few steps, until he’s only a few inches away from Adam’s side. As Adam looks up and notices him hovering, he pauses, keys loose in his hand and just slightly confused. Kurt kisses him. Not long and not well, but Adam’s smiling when he pulls away and that’s what matters. And as a final nail he straightens himself up and looks Adam in the eye.

“Would you be my boyfriend?” They’re still in the empty hallway, Adam’s holding a set of keys and a light is flickering above them. He waits and watches his face settle. He looks thoughtful and then smiles, but it’s subdued and Kurt can’t help the icy cold in his gut, the feeling that he’s ruined everything.

“I would love to,” Adam says finally, eyes sincere and shining, “But there’s something I need to tell you first,” Kurt swallows, he’s sure he says something to agree, but doesn’t remember it. Just that his head is fuzzy again and that Adam holds the door open when they do go inside. He lets himself be ushered to the living room, warm and comfortable on a patterned couch with mismatch pillows. Stares at Adam as he moves comfortably around, putting things away and checking the fridge for messages from his roommate. When he does settle down beside Kurt he’s barefoot and his pinky toes are tiny. It’s all Kurt can focus on until he’s touched lightly on the arm.

“Kurt?”

“Yes?” 

“Are you okay?” Kurt looks up at him, the blue eyes and dashing smile, searches for something off.

“What did you need to tell me?”

“I don’t want to have sex with you,” And Kurt, of course, laughs. He’s a bit hysterical from the tension and Adam sits patiently, waiting for him to finish. 

“Of course, we’ve only gone on one date, of course I hadn’t expected,” Kurt babbles, wiping his eyes and chest lighter. Was that all?

“Kurt, I mean, I’m not interested in having sex with you, or anyone, ever,”

There’s silence as Kurt stares at him, looks for any signs of a joke. “What?”

“I would love to be your boyfriend Kurt, you’re great, but I’m asexual, I’m not interested in sex, and I understand if that’s important to you,”

“Oh, no that’s okay, I understand,” There’s a roaring in his ears now. And he just wants to get out of this place, wants Adam’s hair to stop being so adorably ruffled.

“Are, are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah of course. Can I just, think about this?”

Kurt can’t look at him, but catches the softness in his voice. “Sure,” And as Kurt works his way out of the couch, Adam gets his coat out of the closet, insists on helping Kurt put it on.

“I had a really nice time today, Kurt,” And he seems so sincere, that’s what kills him. He’s subdued on the way home, doesn’t notice the city around him and is just faintly glad his body knows where to go. He makes it to his hallway, where he can just hear laughter from inside. Apparently Rachel had finished ‘apologizing’. He sinks down and lets his head fall against the door. Listens to the murmur of their voices. They’re happy. Attractive. Sexually active. He curls his knees to his chest and rubs his gloves together. It had to be him. He wasn’t enough. How stupid of him to think someone like Adam could want him. But he’d seemed so interested, he was flirting, and agreed to go on a date, why would he need to make up an excuse to get away? Was Kurt really that repulsive?

Rachel’s laugh is loud and he turns his ear against the wall, taking a glove off so he can scroll through his contacts. He needs to talk to someone, to complain about this, needs someone to convince him he’s not the bad guy here. Passes up Blaine and Burt instantly, doubts Finn will have the tact he’s looking for and he hasn’t talked to Mercedes in months. No wonder Adam doesn’t want him, can’t even think of a single friend to talk to. But his thumb stops and he swipes back down, hovering over Quinn’s name.

She had come to visit a couple times, and was surprisingly cordial, she’d let Kurt take her around to their favorite shops. Maybe getting away from everyone had been just what she needed. Kurt remembers back to high school, she’d been so strong behind the celibacy club, and from her texts it seemed like she was done with relationships for a while even now. All it takes is Rachel to start singing something that sounds melodramatic for him to turn away and press call.

“Hello?”

“Quinn, hi, it’s Kurt,”

“I know, are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I just, I was wondering, how are you?”

“I’m, I’m great. But that’s not why you’re calling,” He looks up at the rusted ceiling and tries to figure out what color it was originally.

“Yeah, I just had a question, if you had the time,” Maybe blue?

“Sure, Kurt, what’s going on?”

So he tells her. About the flirting, the Apples, their date and his lie. 

“Why would he do that to me Quinn, why would he make something like that up and lead me on for weeks? Why does this happen to me?”

“Have you considered that he’s not lying?”

“Oh what, like he’s actually not interested in sex or that he’s repressing himself because he can’t stand being gay?”

“Kurt,”

“I’m sorry,”

“Listen, asexuality is a thing, and to someone trying to be celibate, it may sound too good to be true, but it is,”

“I appreciate your input but,”

“Kurt, shut up. For a gay guy you’re really close minded. I understand that you’ve been hurt before, but I think you need to give him a chance. Can you give him that? Let him explain things to you, do you honestly think he would tell a lie like that? Why not something you would have believed more easily? Just hear him out, okay? And stop being an idiot,”

“Okay,”

“You can thank me when you realize I’m right,”

“I’ll say hi to Rachel for you,”

“Good night, Kurt,”

He slides his phone back into his pocket and tugs his glove on after she hangs up. He can’t hear Rachel and Brody anymore, wonders if that means he’s more or less safe to go in than before. It’s possible he’d been projecting again, and that would be a pretty stupid lie to tell. But there had been a time when Kurt hadn’t wanted sex either, and he knew he wanted it now. Maybe Adam was afraid, maybe he needed to find the right guy to help him. Years of Disney meant Kurt had often dreamed of being someone’s Prince Charming. This didn’t have to be a bad thing, it might even be nice, to have someone discover things the way he and Blaine had, to get comfortable together.

He’s lost to his thoughts until Brody pushes the door open on his way out and Kurt falls inside. Rachel says she’s got some news for him, but he begs off, saying he’s got an essay to write, and she leaves him alone, but he can hear her moving furniture well into the night, which he’s going to have to talk to her about eventually. He falls asleep uneasy, but determined to make this right in the morning.

Apples practice runs late, and he gets to watch Adam and the girls get into a choreography battle. He’s so sweet with them, a natural leader. Leaning in the auditorium doorway, Kurt doesn’t miss the touches Adam places on their waists, arms, backs. Maybe he flirts with everyone? But why give Kurt his number, why go on a date at all?

He watches as the Apples file away, some singing, one walking on his hands, and he smiles, despite everything. It could be a second home for him here with these people. But he’s still going to fight tooth and nail for his power ballads. When the last of them are gone, he walks down to Adam, gathering sheet music into his bag.

“Hey,” Adam looks up, and his eyes, his teeth, he’s either genuinely happy to see him or scarily good at acting.

“You came,”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to talk to you, I guess, after last night,”

Adam zips up his bag and comes to sit beside Kurt on the edge of the stage. “I din’t mean to spring it on you like that, I probably should have told you before we went out,”

Okay so he was committing to this, fine. Kurt turns and puts a hand on Adam’s arm. “Adam, before I met my ex, I got freaked out by sex too, but you didn’t need to lie to me about it, I understand,”

“Kurt,” He’s smiling, but he moves Kurt’s hand away. “Look, I understand this is confusing for you, but I’m not scared of sex, I’m just not interested, really,”

Kurt can’t help a little snort.

“No, it’s not you, honest to God, and I’m not in the closet. I’d love to go out with you, Kurt Hummel. You’re cute and funny and I can tell you’d be a laugh to bring to the movies, but I just don’t want sex. And before we got into anything, I wanted to get that out in the open,”

“But, I,”

“Look,” Adam turns as well, so they’re knee to knee and facing each other. “You said you’d kissed a girl, right? Brittany?”

Kurt fidgets with his bag. “Well, yes, but,”

“And how did it feel?”

“I mean, it was okay,” Kurt shuffles back and looks away. “She was warm and soft, tasted alright, but it just wasn’t right, I guess,”

“And, you kissed her before you kissed another boy, yes?”

“Yes?”

“But you knew it was off, even with nothing to compare it to?”

“Yes, where are you going with this?”

“Listen, for you, kissing girls can be nice, but it’s not like kissing guys, you don’t feel that way about them. And you could tell. Well, that’s how I feel about everyone. I’ve kissed people, and it can be nice, I did enjoy your kiss, Mr. Hummel, but I don’t feel what other people do, you understand?”

Kurt looks at Adam’s knee, worn through from sliding during rehearsal and avoids his eyes for what he might find. “I’m sorry,”

“It’s okay, Kurt look at me,”

He does, and Adam’s pulling a face, so Kurt giggles and the tension breaks. They laugh together and it echoes through the little theater. Adam hops up and offers Kurt a hand. 

“I think I owe you some dinner, sir,” And Kurt takes his hand, lets himself be led through the school and across town. Lets Adam pick the appetizer and lets him pay, lets him kiss his cheek and then his lips in front of his building. Promises to pay for the next date, and to look up some websites Adam’s texted to him. He watches his hat bobbing through the crowd until he disappears down into the subway. This relationship is going to have to be more equal in give and take if it’s going to last. And he wants it to. Even if he really can’t afford the vibrator he’ll apparently be needing.


End file.
